Saturday, 26 July 2014

The Secret To Staying With Someone Forever Is To Keep Falling In Love (And Never Stop)

You’re not exactly sure what’s going on. Your heart keeps racing, regardless of whether or not you’re in this person’s presence.

Thoughts flood your mind, making it difficult to focus on anything other than the person in front of you.

This person is there with you throughout the day, keeping you company in your moments of solitude.

You can’t let go of him or her because this person has somehow managed to seep through your pores, fusing and making the distinction between you and this person a little more than shadow.

You’re falling in love, and the world finally just started spinning. The moment you realize what it is that you’re getting yourself into is the moment that you take a fresh breath of life and begin living.

Falling in love is the most memorable moment of your life – each and every time it happens. In life, you should never stop falling in love because the moment that you do, the colors start to fade.

We’re cursed to forever draw comparisons between new experiences and memories.
Just as much as it is advantageous, having the ability to prop two things side by side, compare them and analyze them, is also what damns us to a life riddled with sadness and disappointment.

Accepting that the lows in life are necessary for the highs isn’t built into our nature.
We are creatures who never want to lose. We never want to lessen our holdings, our place in the world and social circles.

We are individuals who fear loss. When we take a look at experiences we’ve had and emotions that we’ve felt, we compare them to what it is that we are feeling at the present moment.

While memories allow us to look back fondly, they simultaneously lessen the pleasure that we receive from what we are now experiencing.

Because we hate losing, we love the idea of always rising higher, always getting more, experiencing something novel and, above all else, improving.

We’re in a constant competition with ourselves trying to outdo our pleasant moments in life with more pleasant and more memorable ones.

All of this, however, is an illusion – a trick that we play on ourselves. And it’s this constant pursuit of that higher high that will make you feel as if you’re constantly on the losing team.

To win in life and to form a successful partnership, you have to learn to appreciate the uniqueness of every moment you live.

Every little thing that you see and experience in life is different from everything else that you have ever experienced.

No two seconds in your life will ever be the same. No two moments will ever taste exactly like another, nor will you ever again live this very minute of your life.

We all live on borrowed time. The person you are this very second is not the person you were the last.

The difference may be minuscule, unnoticeable even. Yet, a difference there is. When looking over a wider span of time, it’s readily noticeable how much we change as people.

This very same principle applies to every person in the world. It applies to your friends, your family, your colleagues and your lovers.

Every moment you spend with the person you love is a moment you will never get back.
It’s a moment in time that ceases to exist as soon as it comes into being.

The time that you have with the one you love is time that you ought to cherish, regardless of how it makes you feel compared to how other moments in your life made you feel.

What you once felt is gone. You can’t live in past, allowing fossilized emotions to influence your decisions. What you are feeling right now is the only time in your life that you will feel exactly that way.

This moment is unique. It isn’t duplicable and therefore it should be appreciated.

Because we take each moment for granted, we lose sight of the fact that love is a living thing that needs to be nurtured.

The secret to loving, lasting relationships is simple. You need to fall in love with the person all over again and do so as often as possible.

We all remember that moment when we come to realize that this stranger we met not too long ago holds great value to us, the moment we realize that we care about this person as much as we care about ourselves.

This magical moment will almost certainly never be as magical as it was the first time around. When you fall in love with someone the first time, the novelty of it all intensifies the experience.

It raises your awareness of both the individual you love and the emotions you’re experiencing.

The first time will always be the most intense of times if only because of that extra stimulant.

This, however, does not mean that falling in love over and over again with the same individual isn’t possible.

All it means is that falling in love with this person will never feel the same as it did the first time around.

It will feel different each and every time and it will be for different reasons, under different conditions and circumstances.

Nevertheless, falling in love continuously over a lifetime with that single person is not only possible, but necessary in order for you to be part of the sort of relationship you’ve always dreamed of.

What you cannot allow yourself to do, however, is to spend time comparing the way that you are now feeling to the way that you felt initially when Cupid struck his arrow.

Doing so will only nullify the emotions that you should be feeling. The past will drown out the present if you don’t learn to love the moment for what it is alone and nothing else.

Don’t run from fear of losing love. You can’t lose it. You can only stop creating it. 

Originally appeared at Elite Daily
Photo Elite Daily

Monday, 14 July 2014

How can a woman possibly write a play about a homosexual love affair?

"....Number one, Rob, I don’t "fuck" your daughter, and number two, I’d finish with Daisy tomorrow, if you asked me to. It’s you I’m in love with, you know it is…."

So, people have asked me, how can a woman possibly write a play about a homosexual love affair... which is a fair question to pose... I suppose...

But it's not a play about gay sex.

It's a story about love.

And in this particular story, the two humans who fall deeply and very passionately in love with one another, happen to be men.

It's not really a piece of erotica, there aren't great long scenes focussing on the mechanics of homosexual sex...

As far as the play is concerned, sex is sex... love is love...

The emotions we experience when we fall desperately, and very genuinely in love, tend to be the same, whether we are young or old, male or female, gay, straight, bisexual, transgender...

The craving...

The euphoria...

The insecurity...

The jealousy...

The ache...

The longing...

The sleepless nights and the desperate days...

The hopes...

The dreams...

The ridiculous fragility of it all...

I know more about love, than almost any other subject, or state of being.

I know much of the neurology - The physical architecture of the brain in love

I know lots of the ecstasy - the blissful sensation of achieving totally mutual, unconditional love...

I know even more of the misery - the feeling like a physical tear in your heart, when your love is not reciprocated... the torture of unrequited love....

And these are my credentials for exploring and writing about love...

Thursday, 10 July 2014

Thought Field Therapy

Do you suffer from anxiety, panic attacks, stressful feelings when you have to do certain tasks or deal with certain people?  Then why not give this a go!!

Recently, I was offered a session of Thought Field Therapy, by a friend and colleague.  I'd heard that by "tapping" the meridian points, past trauma, anxiety and phobias could be healed in a single short session, typically lasting less than thirty minutes!  

Thirty minutes!  I hear you say!  As opposed to weeks or even months of traditional counselling! Surely this is simply too good to be true!!

But I experienced it for myself.  My own session lasted about ten minutes and took place in my lunch break between running two support groups. I can't explain really how it works, what I can say is, the anger and resentment and fear I had felt for years, when thinking about a particular experience I went through quite a long time ago, appears to have vanished.  I keep waiting for the anxiety to re-emerge, or expecting to have nightmares about the trauma, but three weeks on, it seems to be gone.  

Like most other therapists, I've had hundreds of hours of counselling in my time, mainly through my three year training period, and nothing has come close to the impact of this!  I'm certainly thinking of training in it myself, because there are so many people who would benefit from this sort of, largely non-intrusive, therapy.  I didn't even have to say much about what my own traumatic memory was about, I just had to recall it, in my own mind so that the feelings could be re-experienced.  I went from an anxiety level of 7-8 to an anxiety level of 1-2!

I actually found a therapist who had posted a brief video online, and she talks you through the routine - so do try it yourself.  I found I had the greatest success when I had a therapist actually there with me in the room. I was stunned with how effective it was.

I still am stunned...  Give it a go...

If anyone would like the contact details of the therapist I had a session with, whom I highly recommend, just email me or send me a message on Facebook or Twitter ,