I guess the first rule of everything is, if you're not sure, then it's probably best to play it safe, particularly if your Facebook friend has a partner, who might not see such attention as innocent. They've got something big to lose here, such as the mother or father of their children! None of us would want to cause hassle for others in their relationships, surely.
The internet seems to have made us all a lot more casual, in our interactions with people, be that on social networking sites, or phone texts or even emails to each other. I would never have put kisses on memos sent around at work, twenty years ago! My colleagues would have found that extremely odd, but now, it's very common between workmates, especially if emailing a lot, to just stick "xx" at the end of something, particularly if they've done you a big favour, or you know they're going through a rough time. Ultimately, I think human beings have always longed to be far closer to one another, than was seen as acceptable, once upon a time. I've written at great length, on this blog, about our deep longings to feel close to people. It's a fundamental and wonderful part of being human to experience physical and emotional intimacy.
Now, saying this, these outpourings of affection are happening in a virtual world, so we do tend to feel one step removed from it, if our Facebook friend doesn't send us kisses back or we get an email which concludes "kind regards". It's not like leaning in to kiss someone after they've given us a lift home from work, and being greeted with a look of abject horror. This somehow feels much safer, perhaps too safe, at times...
The Huffington Post recently commissioned a survey to try and find out if men and women perceived online flirting differently, specifically if they regarded it as cheating on your partner, and they looked at sexting, Facebooking and what happens when people meet up in the physical world.
It turns out that 85% of women considered sending sexual texts to someone who isn't your partner, to be cheating, and 74% of men felt this too.The study also looked at contacting an ex on Facebook, which is of course, very easy to do, and easy to do secretly, something that just would not have been so available to most of us before social networking sites. Here, around 42% of women would not consider it cheating if their lover contacted an ex on Facebook and 56% of men didn't see anything wrong either. The reason for the contact wasn't specified, which is perhaps interesting to consider.
On other forms of internet contact, 70% of women would consider it a serious betrayal if their partner formed a bond with another woman, where only 50% of men shared this view, which suggests around half of men feel entering into a virtual relationship with someone is harmless, but their women would appear to see things rather differently!
The Huffington Post also asked people about taking relationships into the physical realm, how far can you go before that's cheating? Well, 60% of men taking part in the survey said kissing was not cheating, including kissing on the lips, whereas only 34% of women were as relaxed when things got physical.The conclusion? I'm minded to think, if you know you have a good relationship, built on a solid foundation of trust, and if you feel genuinely adored by your partner, in your every day life, then the odd smiley wink face is quite easy to laugh off because you're never going to feel seriously threatened. I guess it's when you're feeling a little starved of attention, and your other half seems to be spending more and more time with his virtual friends, that insecurity starts to creep in. I even wonder sometimes, if people knowingly or unknowingly, find themselves spending more time on Facebook, rather than relaxing with their partner at the end of the day, as a way to communicate that things are not going well in the relationship, and semi-aware too, that all those little "x"s might sooner or later, lead to more.
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