So... we're standing on a station platform... our train pulls in and as the carriages pass before our eyes, slowly they come to a stop. We board the train, it's half full... we walk down through the aisle and eventually take a seat.................
For this example let's be a young woman, but of course this situation could happen pretty much the same for a guy...
So we put our bag/jacket on the seat beside us, the guy sat opposite is busy concentrating on his laptop screen and it suddenly occurs to us - wow... he's pretty dishy!
So here's the question, did we actively choose that seat or did we just randomly happen to sit there? And if we chose that seat, at what point did we choose it? Just before we sat down? As we walked along the carriage? Before the train had even stopped???
OK.....
In the virtual world of online chat ups/dating/cybersex and other peculiar activities... there is an inevitable limit to the information we can gather about a person we're getting to know. In truth we probably get more information than we realise (things like their style of writing, the way they address us, how quickly they reply to our e-mails and so on, will all provoke responses in us, though these will probably be mostly unconscious responses and the 'relationship' is likely to be doomed to failure within a few exchanges) but, all the same, it won't be an awful lot to go on.
In contrast, when we meet someone in the flesh, in the 'real' world we're swamped... overwhelmed with information - but again most of this will be absorbed and processed unconsciously - our conscious mind will focus on surface stuff like, this person's appearance, their voice, how friendly or hostile they are towards us... while unconsciously we're busy processing EVERYTHING ELSE... and that's a lot of everything, believe you me....
Let's explain that, with the help of our lovely girl on the train....
So she's sitting there, trying not to stare at the guy opposite but consciously she's attempting to ascertain some basic information as he taps away on his keyboard. At the same time as that's going on she's also considering unconsciously.................his smile, who he reminds her of from her past... his teeth, how does he feel about the dentist, what does he fear in life... is he a first child?..a youngest child? ..an only child? How does he get on with his brothers and sisters? Is he losing his hair yet, did his dad lose his hair? How would he deal with it, if he did lose his hair, what was his dad like? violent? kind? Is he married, is he gay? How old was he when he lost his virginity, how big is his penis, how does he feel about his penis, how does he feel about porn, what turns him on, when was the last time he had sex, is he in love at the moment, how does he cope with rejection, is he romantic, how physically fit is he, how psychologically fit is he, how intelligent is he, what does he do for a living, has he got a degree if so what in, does he prefer tea or coffee, lager or beer.. wine? ..scotch? does he have a drink problem, does he smoke cannabis, what other drugs has he tried, where does he go on holiday, what sort of place does he live in, does he drive if so what does he drive, does he own an ipod, does he go to the gym, is he vegetarian, vegan?? Does he like Kasabian?.. Led Zeppelin?.. The Carpenters!? Does he like golf? football? rugby? snooker?? horseracing? ice hockey?? is he religious, is he superstitious, what are his political views, what books does he read, what newspaper does he buy, who buys his socks, what underwear has he got on today..... does he fancy me??????? And a million other factors besides and all this takes minutes, probably only seconds to process all that information.....
And an awful lot of what our girl will gather, in her unconscious will be pretty accurate because it's not just guesses she's making, she's using all her life experience of men like him, men not like him, to compute this wealth of information. She probably won't be aware why within a few minutes she does or doesn't fancy him, and whether it's worth smiling back at him as he eventually looks up from his work.
Nine times out of ten, she'll come to the conclusion she doesn't fancy him after all, but she won't be aware why exactly her intuition tells her to let this one go. And even if she does fancy him and they do get talking over the next hour of the journey something is likely to tell one or other of them, pursuing this isn't really an option, so as he gathers up his belongings they'll politely say goodbye and that will be that......................
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