I want my money back!!! I didn't even need this Cravendale finely filtered milk!!!!

Ok so.... I kept hearing from everyone how I just MUST go to the supermarket on a Friday evening.. any supermarket people said, but it must be Friday evening... Single dishy men, people told me, do their shopping on Friday evening... loads of them... the place is awash with them.....I don't even want a single dishy man... but I'm kinda curious right, I mean who wouldn't be........

So I dash down just before 7pm.... Just to have a look..... I walk through the doors thinking how can I whittle this down a bit, there's probably going to be hundreds in there and I've only got 15 minutes... I decide I'll ignore the blond ones.. as I don't really fancy blond men... well, not since I was about 15 and swooning over the amusingly named Johnny Rep anyhow.. so... blond men are out.. also beards... quite like a bit of designer stubble I'm thinking, but not keen on the whole Peter Sutcliffe look. Ok fab, that's reduced it down a bit..... pick up a basket and in we go.... Here I am boys!!!!

Go down the salad and vegetable aisle.... nothing much going on there, a mum shopping with her teenage son... right.... next aisle then... that's rice, pasta tins of soup.. olive oil and stuff.... There is a man!!!! But I just don't feel there's any chemistry.... he's about 80, arthritic, and I didn't like the look of his stick.. I said STICK! Don't completely reject him though... I might come back to him, depending on how the rest goes... Next aisle.... cereal, tea, coffee and so on.... there's a couple of guys down there.. one has a massive scary beard.... the other looks promising, looks a bit like Anthony Perkins in Psycho.....which, you know.. is not without it's appeal...... BUGGER!!!! His girlfriend arrives with a bottle of red wine..... next aisle is milk... This is much better... more people at least... one I think is a man, quite a stunning man... but on reflection it's definitely a women... quick rethink about that whole bisexual thing.... no I came here for a dishy single man and that's what I'm gonna stick with... can't just chop and change like that.. commit to the original plan I'm telling myself... Another guy .. really nice pink T-shirt... LOVIN' the T-shirt I am...he turns around and looks a little alarmed at me staring at him... No, a lot alarmed, I pick up 2 litres of milk and rush onto the next section... meat..... absolutely nothing going on down there.. a couple of pensioners arguing about whether to have lamb chops or pork.. God this is harder than I imagined.... cleaning aisle? There's one guy... looks like he could be Peter Crouch's less attractive twin... and buying every cleaning product in the store and placing them with alarming regularily in his trolley.. exactly 1 finger space between each bottle.. This man does not need me in his life analysing him I conclude..... next is the frozen aisle then the bog roll aisle... then the biscuits aisle... God... so depressing... none.. not one vaguely attractive-ish single man..... so I pay for my milk and leave...

Walking past the customer services bit where they 'Welcome your feedback!!' I felt like complaining and asking for my money back, I didn't even need the milk! Ahhhh well, that's the way the bee bumbles.. as Ian McCulloch used to sing...... and honestly I don't even want one.. a man...