bien soeur: Most men have an enormous amount to gain from women achieving an equal share of power in our society - Jude Kelly and Michael Kaufman on Misogyny...

In a discussion on Misogyny and Misandry, earlier this year, artistic director of the Southbank Centre, Jude Kelly, talked very movingly about the insidious misogyny lurking in popular culture such as horror films, and the impact that had on her, when she was younger.

"I can never, never lose the idea that some people enjoy watching blonde girls running for their life, through woods, knowing that they're going to be caught at some stage, and something horrendous is going to happen to them. And the idea that, that is a pleasurable thing for people, well that was my first experience, I suppose of something which is popular entertainment, but for a young blonde girl, it left me with the impression that I'm never safe in woods and streets and all the rest of it, from this unknown terror, which includes the idea that actually, I exist to be a victim."

"That's actually a constructed image, then you take that further, and you think, if that's a nice thing to do, chase girls and terrify them and hound them and turn them into prey - which of course, is quite a psychopathic thing to do - but the fact that the psychopathic nature of that, becomes popular entertainment, I experience that as a sort of enjoyable, playing with a victim, and that victim is a woman, so I call that misogyny, but it's so endemic in popular entertainment, that people would probably find that extreme of me to say."

She then went on to talk about the raping of women as a weapon of war, and her confusion, a confusion shared by many of us, that men could ever think that was an acceptable way to treat women, ever, in any scenario, and she expressed a concern that this fear and hatred of women is so embedded in the male psyche in our current culture, that in certain, perhaps extreme circumstances, many men might be capable of that, for instance if sent off to war by their government. She concluded, "I feel it is too near the surface, for too many men and boys."

What followed was a brilliantly insightful discussion with gender equality writer, Michael Kaufman which explored the idea of jealousy as an explanation for the roots of misogyny (Kaufman referenced Mary O'Brien's "The Politics of Reproduction") and a sense of awe and fear that men may have always felt about women's ability to give life.

But Kaufman also talked compellingly about his personal view that it is, perhaps, more about the way we bring up boys, and in our relentless drive to raise them to become men, as society sees that role, that gender, we root out all those qualities perceived to be traditionally feminine, such as being tender, nurturing, loving and receptive, all the passive qualities human beings can possess, and we actually humiliate and shame boys for expressing these feelings or these behaviours, which are all perfectly valid things for a man to be and feel. And so those passive qualities get externalised, projected onto women, and then in order to somehow justify they've been lost, these (perceived) feminine qualities, and women themselves get vilified. And what results from that, is a collective fear and hatred by men of all the things we associate as feminine; but what becomes apparent is, it is quite ridiculous to label these big complex concepts as merely being feminine or masculine....

For 8,000 years, men have enjoyed pretty much all the power, all the control in society, enforcing this idea when necessary with violence, or the threat of violence - there is no question that men tend to be more aggressive than women. Not all individual men have predominantly aggressive, confrontational personalities, no-one is suggesting that; many individual men deplore aggression, and deplore it within themselves, but collectively, men as a gender have tended to use aggression as a tool to maintain their control. And there is probably, naturally, 8,000 years worth of resentment in women, and yet women, as a gender, don't seek to wield power over men. We want a fair share of that power and we're happy to work with men, not against them. But that idea, of cooperation and collaboration, all equally bringing something to the table to solve the big problems in society, globally, this seems completely unthinkable to the (male) establishment. As if women cannot be trusted to have an intelligent view on these things, and viable solutions. Which is utter madness, but it's driven, that view, by fear. Because men have wielded power over women for 8,000 years, within government, within the major faith structures, they assume we would do the same to them - to somehow be driven to get our own back. Men collectively, are judging women as a gender, by their own, flawed standards. Considering they are supposed to be the logical gender, there is absolutely no logic to their thinking, no evidence that women en masse desire to cut men's balls off and reduce them to impotent slaves. This fear, is fuelled by paranoia, not evidence and logic.

And as I say, many individual men, a growing number now, despise the situation too, and do love and respect women and long to work with them collaboratively because these individual men realise the wealth of talent and positive qualities women have to offer. Because without a doubt, if women suddenly had a genuine 50% of the power in society, within government here in the UK, within the major faiths around the world, things would be done very differently. Society would be transformed, probably virtually overnight, and on every count, for the better.

Most men perhaps do not realise, they have an awful lot to gain from being pro-feminist and supporting women in achieving their fair share of power. Most men don't have any actual power in life, the elite 1% of any population has the actual power, but they have successfully sold men the idea, the illusion, that they do have power over their lives. While men are not as subjugated as most women, most individual men are still slaves within the system in many ways. What feminists (both female and male) seek, is a liberation for everyone, to live a life that will bring them fulfilment and contentment and self-respect and love. A life that isn't only dominated by paid work and worry about mounting debt and feeling you have to keep up with your neighbour right up until the day you die, and a great many men, perhaps even most men, would welcome the concept of a different way of living.