At the very core of our being as humans, is the greatest drive of all - the need to belong and the need to be loved...

I wrote yesterday about bankers and politicians and how clinical research seems to conclude that they're predestined to cheat and lie, given the culture they operate in.

I've also written at length about Freudian theory and how insecurities deep within our psyche and embedded in infancy make us particularly vulnerable to advertisers and the capitalist, consumerist society.

But even deeper in the human psyche, at the very core of our being is a greater drive still - the need to belong and the need to be loved.  It was John Bowlby's famous work on attachment that revealed the value of positive emotional connections in our early life and we now know that babies brains physically grow differently if that ancient need to be loved and nurtured unconditionally is severely lacking from caregivers in early life.
Some of us were lucky enough to recieve the right kind of nurturing as babies and this enabled us grow up trusting people, and to prioritise our love of people over our craving for objects.  But an alarming number of us did not grow up with this type of parenting, because parents for generations now have been urged not to spoil their children with too much attention.  Parents have been encouraged to pursue their own interests - to leave the baby crying.. to go back to work when the child is still very young.. and to indulge the child with possessions as a replacement for time and energy parenting.

This is how the capitalist society has flourished - from childhood people have been encouraged to seek comfort from objects that can be bought, rather than human kindness and emotional intimacy...

But for most of us, that craving still exists...  That deep longing to be close physically, emotionally, is still a huge part of what makes us human.  A new iPhone or a pair of Alexander McQueen high heels can satisfy emotional cravings for a short time, but the pleasure of owning things very quickly leaves a hollow void for most of us.  You can't have a laugh with a pair of shoes.. a mobile phone can't put it's arms around you when you're sad...

There's some need deep in our heart.. our soul.. our psyche - call it what you will - Some people try to satisfy it with sex but sex by itself isn't enough, and frustration develops as we think we're getting close to fulfilling that fundamental psychological need but then sex without genuine love leaves us just as empty as the phone and shoes...

Addressing that need, acknowledging how much it's a part of us is a step towards feeling more complete, content as a human being.  Lots of people are so scared of the strength of that need, they try to deny it exists.. do their best to suppress that longing, become quite callous in the process.. but at times feelings of loneliness become overwhelming for these people because the longing is still there...

The challenge for us is in helping people find the courage to pursue an emotionally enriching life in preference to a materially indulgent one...