How to write about, and portray sex in fiction.

"Like many younger readers who had not yet experienced sex, except with myself, I was deeply misled by 'Lady Chatterley's Lover', which seemed to insist that running naked through damp undergrowth, with wild flowers entwined in your pubic hair, was just about the closest thing to heaven."

In his Radio 3 Essay, 'Explaining the Explicit', Man Booker Prize winner Julian Barnes posed the question, "Is writing about sex, the same as writing about any other human activity - say gardening or cricket?" His exploration of the subject (including an amusing analysis of an Evelyn Waugh sex scene) was compelling, and went on to talk about self-consciousness and exposure; the fear that readers will assume the sexual encounters you're writing about actually happened to you, and how this impacts on the tone of the way you write about sex. "The naming of parts:  which parts do you name and what names do you give them? At the basic level... He put his what into her, or indeed his, what?"  He talks of John Updike comparing the male member, in one novel, to a yam, which made visualising the sexual scene difficult, the reader being distracted by mental images of a vegetable stall.

"The proper, grown up novel is the most intimate of art forms," concludes Barnes, "the one that puts the reader's mind and heart most closely in touch with the minds and hearts of the characters.  It is the place where the most truth about the intimacies of life can, and should, still be told." 

The full recording can be found here:    Explaining the Explicit

Last year, while completing a novel about a fairly dysfunctional (middle-class) family I found myself in the slightly uncomfortable position of having to write a sex scene.

Well, I say a sex scene, but love scene would describe it more accurately, because it's really rather tender and in many ways quite innocent, and though I found it necessary to describe the sleepy, sensual foreplay leading up to the sex act, I stopped short of portraying the intercourse itself, I'm not sure what Julian Barnes would say about that.

I had deliberated long and hard about whether to include the scene at all, but it was ultimately necessary, because the reader needed an awareness that this sixty-year-old protagonist, who is a remarkably likable character, isn't some sort of saint; he is real, vulnerable, sexual, like any other man.  And I think understanding his internal battle adds to our appreciation of his anguish, for the woman he has formed a deep bond with is his own niece.

Now hopefully, I dealt with that sensitively, and while the developing obsessional relationship between these two consenting adults is not entirely healthy, their involvement seeks to harm no-one else, and it's our own narrow-mindedness as the reader, perhaps, which might object to the thought of these two having sex.

More recently, I've been adapting 'Attachment' to a radio play script, and this has given me the added difficulty of portraying sex, through dialogue and sound affects alone.  Given these would-be lovers are barely conscious there isn't a lot of dialogue in the novel, the scene is set through the prose, and so I fear I shall be left relying on sounds, as in, sex sound (or at least foreplay sounds) to convey this love scene in a radio drama version.  This indeed has presented me with a new challenge, how do I achieve this in a tasteful way?.

BBC Radio listeners do not always appreciate such subject matter.  Recently the corporation received several complaints about love scenes portrayed on The Archers, The Diary of Samuel Pepys, and a Woman's Hour drama, with one listener stating:  “Please can all the grunts and grinds of people humping each other stop.  We don’t need that – we’d rather hear the pigs doing it.”

The British public have always been famously prudish about sex and nudity in its serious form, with a preference to reduce the subject to the somewhat immature schoolboy humour of the Carry On tradition.

Back in April 1970 acting stars Susan Penhaligon and Michael Mackenzie set pulses racing and tongues wagging, when they dared to portray an authentic scene from Romeo and Juliet naked in bed, at the Connaught Theatre in Worthing. In total, there were ninety seconds of nudity within the two and a half hour performance, but local residents threatened to cause havoc with tomatoes and water pistols if the scene went ahead, such was the perception of an attack on Christian moral values.

In that same year The Sun newspaper introduced Page 3! The explicit objectification of bare breasts in their daily tabloid was popular enough to save it from declining sales. Clearly there has always been a strange, insidious double standard deep within the nation's collective unconscious, and one that's not at all healthy.  A mother breastfeeding a child on a train will still attract looks of disgust and condemnation!

It behoves all of us who work within the arts to try and educate society, and encourage exploration in a positive, healthy way.  For now, I shall return to agonising over the beautiful, yet problematic erotic scene in my script.

Please feel free to leave your comments, and any sensible tips or advice.

The 2013 Bad Sex in Fiction Award - It seems in some ways, our society has not moved on significantly from D H Lawrence's time.

It's that time of the year writers seem to dread.  Yes, it's the Bad Sex In Fiction awards, but this year it's got a few people challenging the validity of the somewhat unprestigious accolade.

Established in 1993, by the late Auberon Waugh, and organised by the Literary Review, in order to draw attention to the "crude, tasteless and often perfunctory use of redundant passages of sexual description in contemporary novels, and to discourage it", former nominees include such national treasures as, Newsnight's Paul Mason and Will Self (on three separate occasions); even J K Rowling was tipped for the award last year - not for a Harry Potter book, of course!! -but for her post-Potter novel "The Casual Vacancy".  As it happened, she didn't actually make the shortlist.


Previous winners of the Bad  Sex in Fiction award include:

1993: Melvyn Bragg, A Time to Dance

1994: Philip Hook, The Stonebreakers

1995: Philip Kerr, Gridiron

1996: David Huggins, The Big Kiss: An Arcade Mystery

1997: Nicholas Royle, The Matter of the Heart

1998: Sebastian Faulks, Charlotte Gray

1999: A. A. Gill, Starcrossed

2000: Sean Thomas, Kissing England[3]

2001: Christopher Hart, Rescue Me

2002: Wendy Perriam, Tread Softly[2]

2003: Aniruddha Bahal, Bunker 13

2004: Tom Wolfe, I Am Charlotte Simmons

2005: Giles Coren, Winkler[4]

2006: Iain Hollingshead, Twenty Something[5]

2007: Norman Mailer, The Castle in the Forest[6]

2008: Rachel Johnson, Shire Hell; John Updike, Lifetime Achievement Award

2009: Jonathan Littell, The Kindly Ones

2010: Rowan Somerville, The Shape of Her [7]

2011: David Guterson, Ed King[8]

2012: Nancy Huston, Infrared[9]

Alastair Campbell openly said he wanted to win it, in 2010.  His comment immediately disqualified him, the award is intended to shame and embarrass writers, and presumably their readers too. Campbell had made it to the shortlist, though, beating his former boss, Tony Blair, who had surprised many with his autobiographical account of his own sexual appetite.

Laurie Penny writes a compelling article in the New Statesman, this week, "In Defence of Bad Sex", suggesting the award is dated and priggish.  While we, as a nation, remain so inhibited about sex generally, and specifically, uncomfortable about portraying normal experiences of sex, she argues, young people will continue to develop their understanding about sex, from the increasingly hardcore sea of pornography, available so freely now on computers, tablets and phones.  You can read her full article here .

Neurological evidence reveals that women who are inhibited about sex, will tend to feel less confident in other areas of life, such as standing up for themselves, against oppressive men.  It is as if sexual confidence affects the actual architecture of the brain.  If a society effectively stops women talking about sex, and exploring normal, healthy consensual sex, those women seem to become easier to manipulate and exploit, and that certainly seems to have been the case for generations gone by.  If you make sex sinful, or even just mucky, women of all ages will be dissuaded from engaging in it, or even thinking about it, through shame.

Many would argue that the seemingly harmless, Bad Sex in Fiction award, plays into that agenda, to some degree.

D H Lawrence's 1928 novel "Lady Chatterley's Lover" is undoubtedly, the most famous book to have received an actual ban, in Britain, for its explicit sexual content.  It wasn't until 1960, thirty years after the author's death, that the public could buy a significantly censored edition of, what many consider to be a literary masterpiece, such was the determination of successive governments to control what art and literature ordinary people had access to.  There can be no doubt that those of less modest means had long been acquiring the book from Florence, and later France.


Back in 1929, a review by Edmund Wilson, praised "Lady Chatterley's Lover", for its attempt to explore sexuality with some degree of sensitivity and intelligence, recognising and admiring the challenge Lawrence had taken on:

"....The truth is simply, of course, that in English we have had, since the eighteenth century, no technique—no vocabulary even—for dealing with such subjects. The French have been writing directly about sex, in works of the highest literary dignity, ever since they discarded the proprieties of Louis XIV. They have developed a classical vocabulary for the purpose. And they have even been printing for a long time, in their novels, the coarse colloquial language of the smoking-room and the streets. James Joyce and D. H. Lawrence are the first English-writing writers of our own time to print this language in English; and the effect, in the case of Ulysses at least, has been shocking to English readers to an extent which must seem very strange to a French literary generation who read Zola, Octave Mirbeau and Huysmans in their youth. But, beyond the question of this coarseness in dialogue, we have, as I have intimated, a special problem in dealing with sexual matters in English. For we have not the literary vocabulary of the French. We have only the coarse colloquial words, on the one hand, and, on the other, the kind of scientific words appropriate to biological and medical books and neither kind goes particularly well in a love scene which is to maintain any illusion of glamor or romance.

Lawrence has here tried to solve this problem, and he has really been extraordinarily successful. He has, in general, handled his vocabulary well. And his courageous experiment, in Lady Chatterley’s Lover, should make it easier for the English writers of the future to deal more searchingly and plainly, as they are certainly destined to do, with the phenomena of sexual experience...."

As a writer myself, who largely navigates plot lines away from sexual encounters, I would say writing really well, about a sexual encounter, is as difficult as doing it well, in real life.  Sex is, by its very nature, often unchoreographed and a bit clunky, is the word I think Laurie Penny used. Few of us have a back catalogue of BAFTA worthy performances, but awkwardness doesn't stop lovers doing it, or enjoying it, and perhaps our slight discomfort in reading about sex, is partly to do with our own personal insecurities and hang ups.

Certainly, when I read through this year's nomination passages, I didn't think they were particularly badly written, it seems to be the actual content that offends judges at the Literary Review.  In some ways our society has not moved on significantly from Lawrence's time, it would seem.

Is BBC impartiality possible, when the Chair of the BBC Trust, was once the Chairman of the Conservative Party?

It has been reported, that staff at Number 10 are "furious" that senior BBC political presenter, Jeremy Paxman, dared to criticise David Cameron over comments the Prime Minister made about plans for a First World War centenary, likening the event to last year's Diamond Jubilee celebrations.  Paxman questioned the use of Cameron's idea to celebrate such a calamitous conflict in which millions of men were wounded, mentally and physically, and three quarters of a million, never returned home from.

On the popular Graham Norton Show, Paxman also said he agreed with some aspects of Russell Brand's comments, in a recent Newsnight interview, that people are "completely fed up with posturing politicians" and he believes MPs should be obliged to have done a proper job in the real world, before entering the House of Commons, so that they are more in touch with ordinary people's lives.  He suggested MPs talk "rubbish!" and the public, in fact, see through them, when they insist theirs is the only party which can solve all the problems society faces.  Not only was this greeted with rapturous audience applause, but his fellow guests, Dame Judi Dench, Sir Elton John and John Bishop can clearly be seen clapping too.  And I suspect this as much as anything, has irked government ministers, aware already of their unpopularity.  It may have particularly annoyed the Chair of the BBC Trust, Chris Patten, who was formerly the Chairman of the Conservative Party!

Patten was appointed to the position of BBC Trust Chair by David Cameron, on 1st May, 2011, with many alleging at the time, that he may have been purposefully positioned there, to make sure BBC coverage of the unpopular austerity agenda, avoided any criticism of the government.

Chris Patten, current Chair of BBC Trust, and inset image, in his Conservative Party days

The BBC themselves, made no attempt back in March of 2011 to hide the fact that Chris Patten remained very much "an old-fashioned Tory" in their original article which can be found  here.

There would seem to be some intolerance at present, of BBC personalities airing any sort of personal opinion which deviates from the official government position.

Aside from criticism of Newsnight's Russell Brand interview, and Paxman's own comments about the state of British Politics, the BBC appear to have come under pressure now to criticise the much liked presenter and naturalist, Chris Packham, for comments he made on Twitter about the government's controversial badger cull.  The Daily Telegraph reports:

He was also reprimanded for using “intemperate” language on his Twitter feed in the summer (@ChrisGPackham) after an inquiry was ordered by Lord Hall of Birkenhead, the BBC’s director general.

Mr Packham filed entries on his Twitter entry ¬- on which he says he is a “naturalist and BBC broadcaster” - as the badger cull was about to start in the summer.

He wrote: “Tonight could be the darkest for British wildlife that we have witnessed in our lives. That in spite of science and public will the wrath of ignorance will further bloody and bleed our countryside of its riches of life.

“That brutalist thugs, liars and frauds will destroy our wildlife and dishonour our nations reputation as conservationists and animal lovers”.

Naturalist, Chris Packham tweeted his views about the government's controversial badger cull

The British public has huge affection for the BBC, but it is starting to look more and more like an agent for government propaganda, with many now questioning its impartiality and wondering how viewers can express their own objection to this apparent right-wing bias.

Revolution in the UK is perhaps more likely to be driven by the Dramatic Arts, than politics

Most people want to live in a society, and want to bring their children up in a society, that's based on love, fairness and compassion, not hate, fear and oppression...

Russell Brand's ten minute, impassioned Newsnight interview with Jeremy Paxman, has 10 million YouTube views.  Almost as many as voted for David Cameron, at the 2010 General Election (10,706,647), have been interested in watching that single interview, during which the cult comedian calls for people to abandon the current political system and stand together to demand a fairer, more empathic and intelligently run society, which will meet the needs of the majority of people in society, rather than serving a select elite.

Paxman however, has certain sympathies with Brand's view.  While he believes people should vote in general elections, he recently confessed, "Russell Brand has never voted, because he finds the process irrelevant.  I can understand that: the whole green-bench pantomime in Westminster looks a remote and self-important echo chamber.  But it is all we have.  In one recent election, I decided not to vote, because I thought the choice so unappetising."

Earlier in the year, Ken Loach's iconic film, "The Spirit of 45", also captured the public's imagination. The movie looked back at a time in British history, when cooperation, collaboration and compassion were essential components to rebuilding society, following the Second World War.  Many now say we need to recapture those values and aspirations of a collective national spirit and identity, to work together, to solve the problems that our society faces today.  

How can it be, that in a society where some people are earning hundreds of thousands of pounds each year, over 500,000 people have had to turn to hand-outs from food banks, to feed their families; many of those are working adults, hit hard by the coalition's cuts to jobs and services.  This level of child poverty should not be happening in a rich country like Britain, it is surely a sign of government failure, and naturally, more and more people have become angry about the gaping inequality between rich and poor, which seems set to increase further, under the present administration.

Around 45 million people were eligible to vote at the last General Election, yet less than a quarter voted for David Cameron, and only 8,604,358 voted for Gordon Brown's New Labour. Following the expenses scandal, the banking crisis and the Lib Dems wholesale betrayal of their core voters, MPs are held in very low regard by the general public now, with many predicting an even poorer turnout come 2015, despite the unpopularity of the Coalition Government.

On the BBC's iconic political panel show, Question Time, invariably the guest whose answers chime most with the audience in the studio, and at home, is not a politician, but tends to be an actor or director, such as Ken Loach, Russell Brand or Brian Cox, or a writer such as Owen Jones or Mehdi Hasan.  More often than not, the whole of the rest of the panel, is made up from people on the right of politics (the Labour MP tends to be a New Labour politician, seldom someone from the left) and they're more likely to get jeered than applauded; the introduction of Twitter comments, increases still further, the opportunity to criticise the politicians.  It makes you wonder why they agree to go on the programme, because they sure aren't encouraging people to go out and vote for them!

The reality is, people just don't connect with politicians anymore; they don't respect them, they don't trust them and they won't vote for them, and this is especially true of younger voters, who do relate to Russell Brand's message, and this is a huge problem now, for politicians.  Where is their mandate to rule over us, when the majority of people haven't voted for them, and look even less likely to vote in the future.

As our children's generation matures, they want another way, they demand another way.  They don't idolise Margaret Thatcher or Tony Blair; far from it, more likely they despise the architects of this unjust, greed-obsessed culture they find themselves living in, MPs who themselves benefitted from free higher education out of taxpayers wages, now inflict tuition fees of £9,000 per year on those same workers' kids, who have studied hard to get a place at university, and dreamt of a decent future, with a rewarding job.  A classic case of  I'm alright Jack, pull up the ladder. 

Too many bright, working class teenagers are opting now, to go into jobs - often poor pay and conditions, minimum wage jobs - because they don't feel able to take on nearly £30,000 of tuition fees for a degree.  How can this possibly be fair!  People can see why the Conservatives, would welcome this, their numbers will surely dwindle as far-right, religious voters age and pass away. As society ultimately becomes more tolerant, more secular, clearly the Tories' days are numbered, so they might be just desperate to cling to power for as long as possible. But people can't understand why Labour ministers would also seek to discourage bright kids from poor backgrounds going into higher education, and that lack of difference between the main parties, and their failure to say, or do anything to protect and support those at the bottom, those families being hit so hard since 2010, is precisely why people have stopped voting.  To many, there seems to be no point.

Enthusiasm for a big sea change, is much more likely to come from the world of drama, art and music, as Brand's interview reveals.  We now need a collective drive forward, to engage and enlighten and involve the public, many of whom are probably desperate for a life free from anxiety and debt and despair.

We need films, plays, documentaries, TV dramas, novels, poems, songs, all addressing an urgent need for change, away from the exploitation of the poor, away from the destruction of the planet. Not another summer of love; how naive that turned out to be; simply getting stoned, taking your clothes off in a muddy field and dropping out of society, brings little benefit to the world, some say it made things worse. There was no plan, no strategy.  Getting out of your head, just allows the oppressors to take an even tighter grip, and you're powerless to stop them!  

What we need is a serious, intelligent, coordinated movement putting forward rational proposals for how we change society for our children, and their children.  Much more emphasis on the human need for family and community, belonging to something.  Education and science and the arts embraced for their own sake, for this is how we enrich society and give our lives meaning.  Less expectation for the individual to cope alone with stresses, such as illness, loneliness and financial worry.  Supporting the vulnerable and helping them to achieve a fulfilling existence, for when we cast out the needy, that impacts on the whole of society.  

Encouraging tolerance and respect and allowing people to express themselves as individuals, building an inclusive society, and if that involves taking your clothes off in a muddy field, as long as you're not harming anyone else in the process, well, so be it!

Russell Brand has today, written a compelling follow-up piece to the Newsnight interview, for the Guardian. You can read it here...

Some people are aware, even as children, they suffer from anxiety. Others, like me, become aware of it, in adulthood.

As a mental health professional, I'm trained to recognise anxiety, to understand the condition, and help people manage the symptoms associated with it.

I also suffer from anxiety myself, though thankfully it is not as debilitating as it once was, and doesn't stop me enjoying a fulfilling life, these days, at the age of fifty.  Although I haven't had an acute anxiety attack for many decades, my symptoms used to include terrifying experiences like sleep paralysis, where I would frequently wake up, and be unable to move or speak, with a fear that some impending doom was about to befall me, and I was powerless to do anything about it.  It was a miserable time to live through and has left me with a fear that this could return at any time, although statistically, that's highly unlikely.  But still, our deepest, most animalistic fears are embedded from childhood, babyhood perhaps, and logic and reasoning do little to take away anxiety about trauma reoccuring.

A greater understanding of anxiety, how common it is - for most of us suffer with some degree of anxiety from time to time - and where it comes from, and what is actually happening to the body during these frightening episodes, helped me to learn strategies for managing my emotions, when I became aware I was starting to feel anxious.  The more I managed the anxiety, the less afraid I became and the greater my confidence grew, to the degree where I even write about anxiety in blogs and novels, which I publish, fully aware that someone might dislike what I have written and attack me for it.  I guess I've reached a point where my level of self-acceptance is such that my respect for myself, is greater than the respect I might gain or lose from others.

There have been times when the anxiety disappeared almost completely, and this happened whenever I found myself settled, in a secure and permanent relationship.
For me, the early stages of a relationship are not simply exciting, they're also plagued with feelings of uncertainty, as I try to work out if I can really trust this person I'm investing my emotions in, after all, like any other parent, I have my children's happiness and security to consider and prioritise too. Boyfriends who couldn't empathise with my concerns, and had a more easy come, easy go attitude to love, never lasted long with me, and by the time I was forty, I got good at recognising the warning signs and keeping those guys at bay.  But even the secure, long term relationships had a habit of failing over time, and then of course, the feelings of anxiety returned.

Some people are aware, even as children, that they struggle with anxiety.  Others like me, manage to suppress things until they reach adolescence, or in my case, my twenties - it was the night I went into hospital to deliver a stillborn little girl, and suddenly all these feelings of loss and abandonment overwhelmed every cell of my being.  Three months later, I was still suffering, and had developed a fear of going outside the house.  I was encouraged by my GP to go along to counselling, and my education about anxiety, and the slow road to recovery, began there, with medication and literally hundreds of hours of therapy to talk about where my fears were coming from.

These days, I don't need medication, or therapy. I'm remarkably happy, given the dreadful times we're living in.  But it's important we keep talking about the full spectrum of stress and anxiety and depression, because so many of us would benefit from a deeper understanding and more compassion from society.

Recent news that the next Labour Government would abolish the Bedroom Tax, sack ATOS and reinstate EMA for students staying on at school, is greatly welcomed

Several years ago, I was left homeless with two young children.

Fortunately, back then, we had a Labour administration that was committed to helping people fulfil their potential; single mums in particular, were urged to consider retraining, which was fully funded by the Government, and there was no pressure to look for work if you opted for training, as long as you had a child still in the education system.

We managed to find somewhere to rent (housing benefit covered the entire rent in those days, so you were completely protected in that sense, and of course there was no Bedroom Tax, so your family didn't suffer the added stress of living in overcrowded conditions) and as soon as the trauma of the relationship breakdown had passed and I felt strong enough, I embarked on three years of further education to gain my diploma in counselling, which promised me far greater job opportunities and freedom from relying on having a partner to help raise my children.

The whole initiative was about empowering women, and an added benefit was that as a parent, by going to college yourself, you were endorsing education to your children, leading by example.  When your own children reached the age of 16, they were entitled to EMA, at the higher rate of £30 per week, if you were on a low income.  All of these measures helped to lift people out of poverty, giving people every opportunity to fulfil themselves and have a decent quality of life.

Through college, I gained not only knowledge and skills, but equally, self-confidence.  It made me look at the poor life choices I'd made in the past; never again was I going to feel pressured into being with a man who was actually quite a negative role model for my sons to grow up around.

All of these things seem to be hated by the Conservatives, and their attack on welfare has attempted to drag us all back to the bad old days, when women had few choices and children grew up in families which were far from happy.

Although the Coalition Government has slashed services for those with mental health problems, I have been lucky enough to find work using my diploma, though full-time hours in this field are very hard to come by, as the Conservatives appear to see no value in supporting people with emotional problems, even though the World Health Organisation regularly expresses concern at the rapidly rising rate of depression. Studies suggest that by 2030, more people across the world, will suffer from depression, than will be affected by cancer, diabetes, heart disease or malaria.

The recent news that the next Labour government would abolish the Bedroom Tax, sack ATOS and reinstate EMA for students staying on at school, is greatly welcomed and puts some clear water now between Labour and the Tories, as the next General Election looms on the horizon.

In May 2015, voters will have a choice between Labour, who will help individuals from poorer backgrounds fulfil their potential again, and more brutal attacks on the poor, and the services they rely on, from the Conservatives.

After the eloquence and passion of Russell Brand's Newsnight interview on Wednesday, Thursday's Question Time was as dull as dishwater.

Many are saying the BBC's Question Time has become harder and harder to watch, over the last couple of years, as panels are frequently made up of guests from the right of politics and the media, with one token lefty (invariably someone with an arts background), to try and offer a gossamer illusion of impartiality.

Last night the sole voice from the left was writer, Owen Jones, against Tory, Liz Truss, Lib Dem, Tim Farron, (New) Labour's Caroline Flint, and Daily Mail columnist, Peter Hitchens, and it was interesting to see the other panelists take any available opportunity, to nod along in agreement with the young writer, whenever he spoke, as if a modicum of his growing popularity might somehow rub off on them, if they appeared to share some of his values and concerns, superficially, at least.

At one point, things descended into something of a spiteful cat fight between Flint and Truss, the two women either side of David Dimbleby, spitting insults at one another, which amounted to nothing more helpful or intelligent than, "It's all your fault!"... "No, you're to blame for this!"  Was that really the cream of talent available from 650 MPs!!

The last question of the evening was, "As politicians and political commentators, what would you say to those who feel disillusioned with the current political system?"

Tim Farron floundered his way through; the final audience member comment, summing up the mood of the crowd, and the country, with how betrayed she felt by Nick Clegg after the last election and how this has contributed to people's lack of trust in politicians generally.

Hitchen's advised, "Anyone still young enough, should emigrate before it's too late!!"

Owen Jones reminded us our grandmothers and grandfathers fought for all our rights,  they weren't just handed to workers out of kindness and compassion, from those in power, and he urged people to get organised and make their dissenting voices heard, as our ancestors had done in the past.  Don't just accept that these people at the top have the right to abuse their power, he concluded, to rapturous applause.

His voice of reason did little though, to make the programme bearable, because the rants and empty rhetoric from the other guests were just too nauseating to stomach.

After the eloquence and passion of Russell Brand's Newsnight interview on Wednesday, Question Time was as dull as dishwater, and I'm not surprised more and more in the UK, are losing all interest in traditional politics.

We need change, big change, more than ever before, and I believe change will come, not least because Russell Brand is speaking for a whole generation; almost as many people follow @RustyRockets on Twitter, as voted for New Labour in 2010.  Sooner or later, the old will be booted out, to make way for something new.  Owen Jones will inevitably be a part of that movement and debate, but as for Truss, Flint, Farron, Hitchens etc, my guess is, they're so set in their ways, change and adaptation would simply not be possible for them.  Expect a crop of mediocre no holds barred autobiographies, over the coming years, all destined to gather dust on the bargain shelves of supermarkets, each Christmas time!

JK Rowling has contributed far more to our lives and culture, than government ministers ever could.

JK Rowling, inspirational, beautiful, brimming with integrity.  She's donated millions to charity, pays a fortune in UK taxes, given a whole generation of children a life-long passion for literature, and been a fantastic role model for single mums everywhere!

But had Iain Duncan Smith been the Secretary of State for Work and Pensions back in 1993, when Jo Rowling was a struggling single parent, the Harry Potter series might never have been published.

A comment came to my attention recently, in one of the more notorious daily newspapers, that the Harry Potter author had no business sitting in cafes, writing her books, languishing on state hand-outs, and that she should have been walking the streets, looking for work instead, and certainly this would seem to be the current Conservative position on welfare claimants, a view that has helped to earn them their Nasty Party reputation, once again.  Duncan Smith would perhaps have forced Ms Rowling into a zero-hours contract as an office cleaner  or supermarket check-out assistant, feeling this was more suitable work for single mothers.  Perhaps someone at the Jobcentre might even have advised her to get any silly nonsense about being an author, out of her head, and told her to make sure she logged onto the Universal Job Match site at least once a day, to apply for every job she was physically capable of doing.  By the time she finished all those applications, she wouldn't perhaps have had the energy, or will, to write another chapter, before turning in for the night.

Rachel Reeves, Labour's new Secretary of State for Work and Pensions has declared she's going to be even tougher on benefit claimants, than the Tories are, and so presumably she would also have denied Ms Rowling the opportunity to write her masterpieces.
How dare these rich ministers, from their privileged backgrounds, condemn those, who are struggling to make ends meet, and deny them the chance to fulfil themselves, follow their dreams and turn their lives around.  For every JK Rowling, there's probably a hundred other talented unpublished authors claiming benefits, stamped down, their ambition and hope killed dead, as they fill out yet another application form for a part-time receptionist.

JK Rowling has contributed far more to our lives, our culture (and treasury) than any government minister ever could!

At 14, I was told, by the year 2000, society would be humane and tolerant and our lives would focus mainly around our leisure time. So where did it all go wrong?

More and more of us seem to be asking, through our 40s and 50s, Well, is this it then, life?   And, how the hell did I get to be here?

Inspired by others, writing about their feelings and experiences, hopes, fears, disappointments, I’ve been pondering these questions myself, of late...

I recall being about 14, and in the media and in day to day life at school, people were talking about how, by the year 2000, the vast majority of our time would be spent on leisure activities, due to the mechanisation of all the traditional industries.  It was felt that we’d always need teachers, medics, policemen, politicians and journalists, but even these would be only part-time positions, to allow everyone to have a few hours work each week and maintain a high level of employment.  An increasing number of us would work in the arts, enriching our society, and some people would spend their whole lives in education; learning, for its own sake, would be a perfectly acceptable life choice.  Energy would be revolutionised and sourced from clean, renewable means, and society would be much more tolerant, and much more healthy, as stress in people’s lives was replaced by contentment.

The world I live in, in 2013, is not much like that utopian teenage dream.  Those who are lucky enough to have jobs, are often not working sufficient hours to enjoy a decent quality of life, and frequently find themselves scraping through to the end of each month; through abject desperation, many resort to loan sharks and legal pay day lenders. An increasing number find themselves with no alternative but to access charity handouts at community food banks, in the ongoing struggle to feed their children.

Job security no longer exists as it once did. Unemployment is high in our failing economy, and despite the minimum wage, pay and conditions for a great many workers, are poor due to Margaret Thatcher's callous erosion of worker's rights, and Tony Blair's failure to repeal her anti-union legislation.  In the last few years, the introduction of zero hours contracts, and the unpaid workfare scheme, where claimants (including those with fairly severe physical and mental disabilities) are forced to work for their benefits, give people few rights and destroy their dignity, and naturally, are frequently likened to slavery.  And far from tolerance, any of us dependent on housing benefit, or tax credits to help meet our family’s needs, can expect condemnation and demonization from those in the media and politicians... particularly politicians.  

Work itself, sees more and more of us under pressure,  as targets are set and need to be met, and while we have more education about health and wellbeing, the level of stress we’re all under, puts us at increased risk of heart disease, cancer and a whole range of mental health problems, often making family life unbearably difficult, so that more and more of us end up divorced and trying to bring our children up without any support from a partner.  Mental illness is now the biggest single cause of disability in the UK, and psychiatric problems are set to continue rising, with the World Health Organisation predicting that by 2030, more people will suffer from depression, than suffer from cancer, heart disease, diabetes or malaria.

As a nation, we're not more social than we were back in the 70s.  A record number of people are living alone, and loneliness among the elderly has hit a point of national crisis.  Because women are required now, to work full time, well into their 60s, they are no longer available to take care of elderly relatives and yet residential care for the elderly has been plagued with case after case of neglect and abuse - the source of more worry for many families.

Not only have successive governments failed the green energy challenge, but ruthless energy bosses, given a free reign by ministers, have hiked up prices for gas and electricity so obscenely, that middle and low income households are officially being advised to wear extra jumpers around the house, as an alternative to turning the heating up.  

Homelessness is evident in all our towns and cities now, because politicians have refused to build social housing, and private sector rents have soared, just like utility bills, as fat cats exploit those with few options available to them, again, completely unchallenged by their chums in government.

The arts budget has been slashed by the current government, and local councils have been forced to reduce library opening times, or close them altogether, as if free access to books is some sort of luxury, society can no longer afford to provide! 

And then there’s the recent attacks on the migrant population.

My children’s generation will be the first, in the UK, who can expect to be poorer than their parents.  Now, I can see why aristocratic Tories would be slavering at this prospect; for them, it is fait accompli, I am sure.  But how the hell could Labour have allowed this hideous social disaster to have occurred completely unchallenged, and who on earth has the intelligence and the skill to reverse this trend, so that my children, and their children can fulfil their potential and actually realise their dreams, not their nightmares?...

Sometimes, dare to dream...

I dreamt, last night, that blissful and most cruel of dreams; love and a sense of belonging, much more powerful than any form of lust.

Someone I had admired for such a long time, disclosed their respect and love for me, and I did not question it for a second, for these feelings were entirely reciprocated by myself and had been for some time.  It seemed so genuine, in the deepest part of my being, it felt right and real.

Quickly, we became inseparable, symbiosis, such as I had never before experienced, not just physically in tune, emotionally, intellectually, philosophically, so much so, I should have surely questioned it, but every cell of my being was so much in the moment, there was no space for doubt.  This was the me, that had always existed, and finally someone had not only noticed that person, but actually wanted her.

To wake from this, was sad, for sure; the sense of loss, colossal, even though the connection existed only in my mind.  I wanted to return to my blissful slumber, and stay there for a hundred years.

As you go about your busy daily life, getting from A to B, one eye on the calendar, the other, on the clock, sometimes, stop, and dare to dream...

Enchanting, hilarious, nostalgic and progressive: Review of Robert Newman, Komedia Bath, 25-09-2013

Ok, you know what it's like...  You're going into the tail end of the most mood enhancing heat wave summer you can ever remember, the kids are back at school tomorrow, and already your local supermarket has a designated aisle, just bursting with tinsel and advent calendars.

The very concept of the four months ahead, is enough to bring you right down, so your friend suggests you both need something to look forward to, before the "C" word takes over every television channel, every newspaper and every shopping trip.  There's a bit of a buzz going round on Twitter; apparently Robert Newman is doing an autumn tour, and one of the first performances is in Bath. You live very near to Bath.  "Let's do it!!"  you say.  "Can't wait!!"

Broken Umbrella by emichii

The end of September comes, the sunshine skies and candy floss clouds are a dim and distant memory, as you shuffle to work with your umbrella with a broken spoke and shoes that leak when they get too wet.  A trip to the cash point machine confirms pay day is still two days away, you're getting a print out to check you have enough for the gig ticket you need to buy online tonight.   "Why did I leave it this late?" you curse, under your breath, as you try to balance the broken umbrella on your shoulder, pressing NO when the machine asks you if you want another service.

The following evening, you make your way to the Komedia, in shoes that make a strange squelching sound, because they're still wet from the day before.  Neither you, nor your friend have paid £23 for the included pre-show meal, you just about rustle up four quid for two cups of tea to try and warm your shivering bones, and you realise you've arrived so early, you literally have your choice of seats - literally!!  The only other people here, are eating!!  Since you're the kind of person who always arrives late to everything, this is a strange phenomena, and the critical superego inside your head urges you to take a seat at the back, where you usually end up, but, "NO!"  says your friend, "let's sit right at the front!"  So, somewhat reluctantly, you sit down in the second row, near the centre of the stage. Wow, you can see everything from here, the cup of tea is warming you up and you have plenty of time for a proper catch up about life and love, before the show begins.

I have read all of Robert Newman's novels.  Well no, I have bought all of Robert Newman's novels, but the third one, "The Fountain at the Centre of the World", sits defiantly on the blanket box next to my bed, half read... ignored.. neglected... I know, I know, he's such a good writer, but these days, I'm such bad reader.   I do intend to read in bed, but so often it feels easier, less demanding, to lie there watching yet another episode of Taggart on YouTube.  I've become lazy, I know this.  There's also a part read copy of  J K Rowling's "The Casual Vacancy" (I'm stuck on page 54 of that!!!), again, it sits there sulking, making me feel guilty, and yet there are hundreds of episodes of Taggart, beckoning me, seducing me, each bedtime... come and watch us, come and watch us... you won't have to think too much... and if you fall asleep we really won't mind, we'll even switch the laptop off for you at the end.  Scintillating prose or gruesome deaths and eagerly awaiting the moment when someone declares, "Therrs bin a mrrrdrrr!"   In the end, Taggart always wins.

Brilliant books by my bedside

But back to the Komedia, and after I've subjected my friend to all the gory details of my tiresome, tragic love life (probably due to the Taggart thing!) on walks Robert Newman, to rapturous applause.  This man is much loved and the place is now packed full of people around my age, all telling those sitting next to them how the last time they saw Rob, it was the 90s, and how they miss Jarvis and History Today.

I last saw Rob Newman with David Baddiel, live in 1992, I must have been either just pregnant with my oldest son, or shortly to become pregnant, it was the Coulston Hall in Bristol, and already there were rumours that Newman and Baddiel were falling out of love, as it were.     The first thing you notice about Robert, is how well he's aged, and I'm trying not to call to mind that rather unfortunate 2010 photograph of David Baddiel sitting on a camel.  It was such an unflattering angle!  None of this, with Mr Newman, he's grown into his slim, maturing body with integrity and ease, but then, I always thought he had an old man's mind, in a young man's body.   Baddiel used to say that writing and performing with Newman was frustrating, upsetting at times, because Robert, it is said, struggled with depression, low self esteem, paranoia, seldom valuing his own work, and David Baddiel has said how hurtful it was, to work really hard on something together, only for his comedy partner to immediately dismiss it as rubbish.  All of which left me wondering, who really had the low self esteem here?!!

Robert sounds less cynical now, and chatters away in an upbeat style, at times he seems positively optimistic, at others there's a slight sneer at this heartless, capitalist society we find ourselves living in.  You can feel the audience all sharing a silent appreciative "That's our Robert" sigh. 

The show is less political than solo performances in the past, more philosophical, Robert's humour has always been quite kind, if slightly bleak (where David Baddiel's style was perhaps more caustic) and here is a man who likes people, loves humanity, and wants to play a part in enlightening a few of us, as he meanders his way through life, taking far more dirt tracks than motorways, I would imagine.

Touching on Darwin and Dawkins, Laurel and Hardy, ancient humans, red harvester ants, flatworms, buffalos and matriarchal ape communities, the performance skips along pleasantly and with ease.  New characters, like the scary landlord, and funny little stories about family life enchant us (and it's a great relief that he must be finally over "Rachel") yet perhaps the biggest cheer takes us right back to Mary Whitehouse Experience days, when Robert was greatly respected as an impressionist, and he dons obligatory square framed specs to amuse everyone with a brilliant Ronnie Corbett monologue, which has us all in stitches.  There's also, naturally, a song, though the regular ukulele is now a banjo uke, but you get a warm feeling, like a big snuggly hug, taking you back to your 20s and 30s and a time when drama was so cool, and music was cool, and comedy was cool and even soap operas were cool (I bet most of us in the audience used to watch Brookie!)  Somehow Robert manages to connect with your younger self, while leading you into a future, which he reassures us, is surprisingly bright, considering all the dark things we have to contend with in 2013.

A thoroughly enjoyable evening!  My only regret... that I didn't have enough cash in my account to buy a copy of his new novel, "The Trade Secret", and get it signed, but hey, I won't leave it so long next time, and I won't go the day before pay day!!  It's been another knackering week, the evening is late, my duvet beckons, but perhaps I'll shut the laptop down, "Not tonight, Taggart".  Perhaps, instead, I'll pick up that book by the side of my bed.

:-)xx

Tory WAGs behind PM's doomed proposal for military action in Syria

In its article today, "Syria crisis: the wives whispering in David Cameron’s ear", the Telegraph suggests the proposal for Britain to launch a military attack on Syria, did not initially come from MPs themselves, but rather from a number of their wives, who had strong views on the developing situation.  This may have accounted for Michael Gove's extraordinary outburst, immediately following the Government's defeat, and David Cameron's reluctance to talk about the matter, once he'd lost the crucial vote.

Some senior Tories feel it's a good thing, that ministers get opinions on these important issues from their wives, suggesting,  “You’ve got to listen to people you trust outside the bunker", but others, perhaps have a different view.  The Telegraph itself, has run stories previously on Tory wives dictating how their husbands should act, for instance, on the issue of the considerable pay rise MPs have been awarded.  Some ministers had expressed the view that they might forgo the increase at such a sensitive time, when so many people across Britain are experiencing reduced hours, reduced wages and even redundancy, while many backbenchers felt a pay rise was completely justified, given the salaries they felt they could command if they left Parliament; a Tory source suggested recently, it is not the members of parliament, themselves, the Prime Minister fears, but the wives!

It is interesting to make the comparison with another group of famous wives, who aren't shy, when it comes to sharing their husband's limelight.  I wonder how football fans would react, if it emerged that the likes of Coleen Rooney and Victoria Beckham had held a meeting, and decided England would be playing a 3-2-5 formation for the duration of the 2010 World Cup!    Though actually, I suspect the England WAGs probably know far more about the game of association football, than Tory wives know about the complexities of world politics.

Either way, last Thursday evening, the Government spectacularly lost on pens, and all the main players stropped off home for an early bath, amid jeers across the media of "Loooooo-sers!!" 

Fortune favours the brave! Why Labour need more ministers with Andy Burnham's passion.

In her book, "The Selfish Society - How we all forgot how to love one another and made money instead", Sue Gerhardt brilliantly explains that when people vote, it is not (as some politicians seem to believe) the logical, rational parts of the brain which become most active, but rather, the regions associated with emotions - it's more about how we connect with politicians, whether we think they understand our anxieties, whether we trust them to do something about improving things, much more than the eloquent or witty prose they might reel off at party conferences, or points they might score against one another at Prime Minister's Questions. 

Indeed, if they come across as particularly human, voters will forgive them all sorts of indiscretions in their public and personal lives; much has been written about George W Bush's battle with alcoholism, and Bill Clinton ultimately won public approval back, once he admitted that yes, sex is sex and he had indeed committed adultery.  People responded to him as if he was a naughty, middle aged uncle in their own families, who's natural charm and good looks gets them into all sorts of bother.  And while Tony Blair will never really be forgiven for his naivety in allowing Britain to be dragged into the Iraq war, on a personal level, much of the public and the media still find him incredibly charismatic; there is a vulnerability in his eyes when he does that strange smile, as if he is desperate for our approval, and many conclude, as naïve as he was, it does sound like he thought he was doing the right thing at the time.  Sincerity, it seems, goes a long, long way in politics.

This way in which the general public relate to politicians, on an unconscious, emotional level, poses a genuine problem for the Labour Opposition, I would suggest, for I can think of few Shadow Ministers who come across as thinking, feeling, emotional beings - like the rest of us - with the exception perhaps of Andy Burnham, who is never afraid to say and show exactly what he's feeling.  We all saw his response, at the Hillsborough 20th Anniversary Memorial Service, back in 2009, he was starting to get booed and heckled by Liverpool fans, who felt angry and betrayed at the Labour government's failure to uncover the truth about what happened that day, and as the crowd launched into their moving "Justice for the 96" chant, Burnham just stood there in silence, completely acknowledging their pain and frustration, his body language was so genuine and so in tune with the song going round the stadium, it was obvious he was very much on the people's side, the fans' side; you can hear in his voice up to that point, and after it, that he is incredibly moved, and straight after this of course, he famously secured the Home Secretary's support (Jacqui Smith) in the releasing of secret files, which had been previously declined by Jack Straw.

As Secretary of State for Health, Andy Burnham has been passionate in his support for the NHS, and has been one of the few Shadow Ministers more than happy to challenge his Tory counterpart; everyone else on the Opposition front bench, frustrates the general public with their willingness to accept and even support the government's brutal, ideological austerity programme.  And the way the media have done the Tories' dirty work for them, harassing Burnham relentlessly, over the Mid Staffs affair, playing this out on a David and Goliath scale; Sky, the BBC, former Tories, current Tories, all mobbing him with a barrage of half-truths and distorted statistics, has only given the former Health Secretary a great opportunity to fight his corner, time and time again, defending his position with facts, not personal insults, as his opponents frequently resort to.

I'm not suggesting, here on this blog, that Andy Burnham should challenge for the Labour leadership, and I'm not suggesting he shouldn't, what I'm actually saying is, given that people can only connect with politicians when they come out and tell us what they think and how they feel, about what is happening in people's lives, under this brutal Tory regime, how do Labour expect to win enough support for election victory in 2015, when most of the Shadow Cabinet don't come out and say anything at all, presumably for fear of saying the wrong thing.   It leaves people asking, "Do the rest of them actually understand how these cuts are destroying lives, human relationships, people's sense of hope?  Do they even care?"

In politics, as with love, fortune favours the brave!


You can buy Sue Gerhardt's excellent book, "The Selfish Society", here Gerhardt - The Selfish Society

The clear feminist message is this really: Take control of your own sexuality, celebrate it and enjoy it.

****EDUCATIONAL ADULT THEMES - PLEASE BE AWARE****

As part of the Women Of The World Festival at the Southbank Centre in March of this year, Jude Kelly invited Noami Wolf (author of "The Beauty Myth", 1991) to talk about some of the fascinating and often tabboo issues she came across researching her latest book, "Vagina: A New Biography".

PLEASE BE AWARE this was an audience of adult women and men, and these were adult themes.


Here, I highlight some of those points which I feel women and men need to be aware of... Wolf herself emphasised she was in no way making judgements about people and things they do or don't do, she's just simply sharing information and I would echo this, which is so vital to do because information is power...

On Pornography

There are an increasing number of young men who find they can no longer get aroused and make love with someone they're attracted to without using porn, and we now understand why this is happening.

Pornography very rapidly desensitises the male brain; when a man gets sexually aroused watching porn, very quickly his brain habituates to that stimulus and he needs more and more extreme images or more and more novelty in order to reach that same level of desire.

This is why we have seen the mainstreaming now of the sorts of content which used to be quite marginal. It also means that men who watch a lot of porn can't get aroused so easily from just being in bed with their partner, and more and more men - healthy young men and healthy middle-aged men - are reporting a specific problem: they can no longer ejaculate, and a similar problem is happening to an increasing number of healthy young women who are watching porn more than generations of women before them.

Pornography is represented as this very liberating force but don't forget it's actually a multi-billion pound industry, exploiting a vulnerability in the male brain (and sometimes the female brain) without any disclosure of possible harmful effects to those who regularly use it.  It's been likened to the early days of cigarettes, when everyone thought it was cool to smoke and no-one revealed that these things could actually give you cancer. And similarly, people are using pornography more and more in their everyday lives and never questioning if there could be any harmful effects later down the line.

Not only is there a physical distress associated with not being able to perform sexually (and treating sexual dysfunction is yet another multi-billion pound industry of course) but there is often a psychological trauma experienced when a man can no longer make love to his partner. It seems to knock a man's confidence in so many other ways, at work, among his friends and peers, how he feels about himself and his achievements in life, it tends to affect his self-esteem and often results in tension and anxiety within his relationship.

So to get around the problem of the brain desensitising we find pornographic content becoming increasingly misogynous, increasingly violent - it has to be for this boost in new stimulus.  But this isn't individual men wanting to become more misogynous, this is multi-million pound corporations exploiting people for pure profit, regardless of the damage their product might be doing to millions of men, with absolutely no information, no warning about possible side affects.

On New Types Of Sexually Related Injuries

Younger women, say, women under the age of fifty, have gone through adolescence and their twenties watching a lot more porn than generations of women before them, and learning about sex from pornography.  Increasingly shocking images is one concern and more and more young women are admitting themselves to casualty on a Saturday night with anal injuries, where they've had sex with someone, often someone they don't know very well, and often greatly under the influence of alcohol, which is clearly a bad combination when it comes to this particular area, and basically, girls just think they are expected to offer this, that guys expect it, because it happens more and more commonly in the porn they are watching. 

On Hairlessness

This is another area which tends to affect younger women who have learned about sex through watching pornography. Commonly the women in these videos are hairless, again playing into this need for greater stimulus, for hairlessness is suggestive of very young, pre-pubescent girls, and we're also seeing a massive industry developing around surgery to change the way females look, to give their intimate areas the look of a much younger girl.  In fact some doctors in the US will even suggest having these operations - not for any medical reasons but purely to achieve that pornographised look.  Many people are asking if the increase in sexual abuse against children is in some way connected to this change in the way women's bodies are presented increasingly commonly in pornography, seen across  the western  world.

On Doing It For Yourself

For more than 5,000 years female sexuality, female desire has been mocked, degraded, controlled and even mutilated.  There is an enormous problem with shame and guilt that's been embedded in the female psyche from religion specifically and from culture generally; girls grow up encouraged to feel their sexuality is bad and dirty, and of course this has enabled them to be controlled by men, for research has shown now that women who are sexually frustrated are more likely to suffer from low confidence and poor self-esteem in many areas of their lives.  Let me share some of the science around this subject, linking the opioid dopamine with sexual pleasure. 

(This taken more or less from the discussion)

There is an amazing potent cocktail that happens in the brain when a woman allows herself, and is supported by her culture, in anticipating and seeking out sexual pleasure, and especially knowing how to make it happen for herself.  Being in control of what gives you pleasure is the number one dopamine enhancer.  Whatever her culture or background, whatever her sexuality, whether she is in a relationship or on her own, when she's anticipating sexual pleasure, dopamine is boosted in her brain.  Dopamine goes to the areas in the brain associated with focus and drive and motivation, assertiveness, trust in your own judgement, confidence.  (Cocaine acts on the dopamine system and we know how cocaine makes shy people assertive, outgoing and gregarious.)  When a woman reaches sexual climax, it boosts opioids which are about bliss and ecstasy and transcendence, and oxytocin levels are also boosted (linked to trust and intimacy and closeness) and this combination of opioids and reactions within the mind and body, can have an enormously powerful impact on women, on assertiveness, on confidence, on creativity, on being a better leader, being a better mother, giving a woman energy and insight to use in her life; dopamine in particular makes you less easy to push around, more sure of yourself.  These are all feminist qualities - female sexual pleasure makes you less easy to subordinate and subdue, and explains why things like FMG go on in some societies, why there is so much traumatic rape in war zones, why women have to live with constant barrage of  insults directed specifically at their genitalia and why for more than 5,000 years women have been actively discouraged from learning about what gives them sexual pleasure, not to feel good about their sexuality, not to discuss their interest in pleasure, because your pleasure empowers you in other ways that make you more challenging for those who seek to dominate and exploit you.  Wolf emphasised the importance of treating yourself as a lover, indulging yourself as a lover would, particularly if you don't have a lover, you still deserve to feel loved.

On Sex Toys

In 2009 a survey revealed more than 52% of women owned a vibrator and more recent studies suggest this figure is very much higher now, as women become more interested and confident exploring their sexuality.  But research suggests that habitual use of vibrators (like porn) is likely to have a desensitising affect, and women should be aware of the possible side affects and perhaps consider, armed with this information, how frequently they want to use sex toys, if they wish to maintain a healthy libido, particularly as they mature.  The sex toy industry is another multi-billion pound industry of course and once again no-one is disclosing the possible complications of achieving pleasure this way on a very regular basis. 

The clear feminist message is this really, take control of your own sexuality, celebrate it, enjoy it and don't be tormented and shamed into denying yourself this wonderful and intrinsic part of being a fulfilled human being.